The Boy Who Likes To…

The NHS is in debt. Free health service for all. Fantastic. In a list of idea’s its up there with Concorde, Veyron and PS3. Fantasitc on paper, but very costly. Its losing alot of money. And I wanted to help.

The boy who likes the NHS.

So I had a doctor’s appointment just before Easter. Nothing serious, just to register with a doctor since moving down from Leeds.

While making the appointment days weeks earlier, I overheard the receptionist telling one person that they can check in via a new shiny sparkly touch screen computer in the corner. My words, not hers.

When I arrived the morning of my appointment I went straight to the screen, despite the fact there was no queue at the reception desk and within a few button presses – half of them being “Start Again” – I was all booked in for my appointment. No queing behind old ladies. No wasting time. Nice.

When I looked at the machine I noticed that you could do finger print booking in. This is a genious idea. Very futuristic. Just pop in your thumb and voila, the doctor knows you are waiting.

I headed over to the reception desk to ask about it. Waited around for 5 minutes until someone finally came to the desk – thank god for the automated checking in – only to be told that isn’t in place yet.

Before I left the house for my appointment that morning I had a few forms to fill in. At the bottom of each one it read “Dont forget to bring a urine sample with you.”

I remember the receptionist saying something when I first made the appointment but I put it down to mishearing. The last time I peed in a cup I did it at the doctors. But I was wrong. So I had 10 minutes to rush around the house to find something to pee in. I couldnt use a cup it was too big. There wasn’t really anything I could find to pee in as I opened all the draws and cupboards.

When my name was called in the waiting room I headed over to the nurse. She asked for my forms and my sample. I pulled out my see through container with my sample inside and handed it to her. She commented on how well wrapped in cling film it was. I explained that I didnt want a pee-leak in my bag.

She laughed about how the NHS are making cut backs so cant offer out pee cups.

“Youve just stuck a very expensive touch screen, finger printing automated machine in your waiting room. That’s why you can’t afford cups.”

I then went on to explain where I got my sample holder from

I just hope the missus doesn’t try to find her silver glitter as it will all be down the toilet now.

And she will only know where her glitter holder has gone when she read’s this….eeeeeeeep