Is this what music with a black belt sounds like?

Tuesday 30 January at 1159 | Posted in Humour, Lifestyle | 16 Comments

So while looking through the weekend paper I happened to chance across a advert for a gig taking place soon.

It stood out for one reason and one reason only. The name of the artist.

And who might this artist be?

With my CD collection consisting of albums from the likes of Radiohead, Mogwai, DJ Shadow, PJ Harvey, to the lesser known Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Godspeed You Black Emporer. Who, or what band, could of got my attention?

The answer is Steven Seagal. Yes Steve Seagal is on a tour with his band Thunderbox. They even have a CD coming out, on my birthday! It was meant to be.

Steve Seagal who is famed for playing black belt high kicking karate ex SAS turned chefs. Able to take out a large group of ninjas with a grater, some cheese, a peeler and herbs. And not forgetting his most deadliest weapons, “His Fists.”

I think I’d very much like to see Seagal playing in Llandudno. That would be some gig.

Steven Seagal who uttered phrases while killing people like “It doesn’t work if the bad guys kill his mother’s uncle’s friend’s neighbor’s pet dog. You’ve got to make the stakes high.”

Just imagine what his gigs would be like. Half way through the set some Japanese ninjas all gate crash teh gig. Coming in through walls, ceilings windows and doors. Take a few hostages. Then Seagal goes FLIPPING MENTAL and takes them all out with his guitar and the mic. It would be amazing!



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  1. You have to go to this concert! I was reading in The Guardian that he has a song called ‘Talk to my Ass’, which features the immortal line;

    “I told her I can’t have no more sass/ And from now on she can talk to my ass…”

  2. Wonderful! Its magic.
    Ill hopefully try and make it to one of the London shows. Its not like I need to worry about it selling out.
    What would be the appropriate dress for a Seagal gig?

    Are you going to go to one?

  3. See this

    It had me leaking at both ends – tears of laughter and weeing my pants.

    (Neither are true, but it is very funny)

  4. Im glad you cleared that up for me then, I thought you meant it had given you diarrhea.

    Ill have to have a look when I’m home.

  5. Steven Seagal can sing?!?

  6. Would love to go to but the nearest to me is London. I think you would have to wear the denim double and a bandana ariund the forehead.

  7. Betty Im not too sure. Im trying to get an mp3 of his tunes. Maybe he has a myspace page? Ill have to follow this.

    Rebecca You should definitely go. If London is too far make a day of it. Just to hear his lyrics. 😀
    Ill have to tie up my hair in to a pony tail to I reckon.

  8. oh dear, i can see the kinds of wacky thing i’m going to get dragged to once you get here!

  9. After spending time checking out the interweb in your abscence you should be pleased that we dont live in teh 1700’s as there is muc more “wackier things” that I would take you to see.

  10. like hangings and witch burnings?

  11. oooh, hangings and witch burnings?! Sounds fab. Can I come?

  12. They have bands playing in Llandudno now? Uh, when I lived in North Wales they didn’t have anything playing anywhere. Not even the likes of Steven Whatshisname.

  13. Apparently so. I have a thing for all North Welsh towns and villages. I think theyre quaint. Rhyl is my favourite.

  14. pinkosa, soupster, not quite hangings and burnings. Not with the common folk. No.
    But if I find any of these things in modern London I’ll let you know and we can make a day of it.

  15. Oh dear. Rhyl is the arsehole of the universe.

    Dolwyddelan, on the other hand, now that’s quaint.

  16. Oh no, the reason I like Rhyl so much is because it is unbelievably tacky! Its amazing.

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